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The Last Days of Summer

Snapchat Conversation (between me and a friend)
El- 'Buzzed for school?'
Z- 'Not really. You?'
El- 'Naah, not at all.'

In all honesty, I was hoping for a different answer. He should have said, 'I'm actually really nervous for September' or 'The transition'- all teens use the term 'transition':fact- 'of years had really got me worried'. It then would have given me the perfect opportunity to tell someone how much I'm dreading next year. I've been running over every little detail in my mind and reviewing exactly what could go wrong; obviously that hasn't helped with my stress levels.

What if the amount of work is over whelming? I'm in all top sets next year so I know that it'll be intense. The worst part of it is that a lot of my peers are just naturally gifted. They don't put in much effort and get a comfortable 70% yet I revise for two weeks straight and just manage to scrape 60%. It's irritating to tire myself by putting so much energy into something and to still be in the bottom of the set.

 People will talk if I don't obtain a certain standard, be it in or out of lessons. I set the bar very high for myself. No, I don't mean that in an, 'I'm a classy person and everyone already knows it' way... I mean it in an 'I have an impossibly high standard for myself that I never meet and perpetually let myself down with' way. I always want everything to be perfect; that leads to a lot of disappointment. As much as I reinforce that the effort I put in is fine (because the best you can do is nothing to be ashamed of) it doesn't really stick. I have got better, over the past year, at identifying when it's right to put pressure on and that has been helpful. It's still not enough, though.

What if next year is the year people stop talking to me? This is the least plausible of all of my worries (it feels good to have that written down!) but it's still one of them. I've gotten through a few years so I do have a friend group which is great. I had a hard year the last time round so the group isn't the same one I started year seven with. I think that you're very lucky if it is but that doesn't make it any easier to lose people. Never the less, I am secure with the people in my life now. The anxiety of the unpredictable nature of other people will never leave me but I'm always trying to decrease it. 

Decreasing anxiety is a big goal in my life. Without going into too much detail, I do have diagnosed anxiety and that plays a part in my life. Everything that I've spoken about in this post comes from that. None of this is logical and none of these fears make much sense... but that's just how my mind likes to work! I do all I can to make it better, though: you should too. I know it can be hard and you might need a bit of support so the next series on my blog is called 'Stress Free September'. It's going to include my tips for handling mental health and finding some of the humorous side of anxiety! I promise, there is! 

Come back if you'd like to see that, and don't forget to add me to your circles on Google + for that extra support. Have a good week,


Thanks for Reading,
El xox

Comments

  1. You'll be absolutely fine, your real friends will stick by you. With your grades, I completely understand! Just keep practicing, I turned to past papers, I did one or two every week about three months before my exams. A month before my exam I found that I had gone through them all but I managed to pull through and get even better than I was expecting. If you need any help, whether its a chat or with you maths (or any other subject), come talk to me!

    Sophie xx // One Unique

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww thank you Sophie! I always love getting comments from you; you're so kind! It really means a lot xox

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    2. Awww! You're welcome, I'm glad you like my comments as much as I love your content xx

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  2. I can't relate more to what you said about high standards. I am one of those people who often get the high marks easily in most subjects, so when I don't achieve these high marks in other subjects, I start to convince myself that I could have done more to bring the score up and that what I got isn't good enough. I think this September I need to work on being happy with how I do and tell myself that I did the best I could.
    I have found some really great revision strategies, so if you would ever like to hear about them then there are a few ways to contact me, which you can find on the left panel of my blog xx

    https://sakura-blush.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that pressure can be a blessing and a curse sometimes but I definitely need to put less on myself! I think it's really great that you have an aim for the month and I hope it goes well for you. Thank you for the support, it means so much xox

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